Tales from the Smokehouse

I asked my mother and her friend to kindly stop smoking around 4:45 p.m. today so that way I could make a delicious bacon and parmesan pasta dish for my hubby.  He deserves such delicious dishes because he has been working 10 hr days for about a week and a half and really just because.

Asking them to stop smoking while I prepare a wonderful meal didn't seem all that outrageous to me especially since I have made this request many times before.  Apparently, today it is a huge deal.  My mother's friend decided not to drink her last beer but instead take that last beer home with her and drink and smoke to her delight at her home.  My mother then bursts into my room and berates me for making her friend mad.  Here are some highlights:

"You KNOW she always leaves before 5 p.m. "
"Now she isn't going to come over here tomorrow- because of YOU!"
"You are the reason I don't have friends!"

Naturally, I fire back a few choice words to her, about her, and about her "friend" because it seems to me that grown ups should have more to worry about that someone asking them to refrain from smoking for an hour or so. She slams the door and hides herself in her room- completely devastated that her friend might not come over tomorrow.  This speaks to the absolutely needy nature of my mother beyond anything else.  She fills this place with people, people she drinks and smokes with, people she gossips with, and then those same people are the ones she talks so horribly about to me when they leave.  And I have made many of these people pissed off on more than one occasion and I can only imagine what is said about me.

I go out and start to cook and she floats out of her room and politely comments on how good things smell and how she can't wait to taste it.

I am confused by this behavior so I make a simple request:  "Can you pick a mood?  Because not even 15 minutes ago you came into my room and jumped my shit over your friend and now you're out here being buddy-buddy. Pick one."

Her response: "I just want to be your mother."

What the hell does that even mean? I don't know and god knows she doesn't either.