My pity party.

There are roughly 33 days until school starts and I can't wait!  I know it will be stressful and probably chaotic but along with that chaos comes forward progress.  I've been saying all summer long, "When the kids go back....." Well, they are back home now and I hate to say but it wasn't a moment too soon.

N & K came back with us from our amazing TX trip to stay for a bit.  N only stayed for 2 weeks since he had a UT band camp to attend so we spent the first two weeks doing something, anything, every day.  It was sort of a continuation of the TX trip.  I planned meals, activities, etc to keep them entertained and out of grandma's as much as possible.  They of course spent time with her but she gets very cranky easily so we try to keep it light.  And my mom? Well, she is just not appropriate for children so we avoided her like the plague.

After N went back it was just K and I most days and we actually had fun.  We went window shopping in Green Hills, Cool Springs, etc.  We got some funny pics taken together and it almost seemed like I had a partner in crime.  The funny thing with K, and maybe it's this way with all girls her age, but she is a chameleon.  I never know what to expect from her and am never really sure if I am in or out.  When her Aunt K is around; I'm out usually.  Because Aunt K has money that she very willing spends on all kinds of random crap for K.  No matter the fact that she is supposed to be flying back and already has a box of things that won't fit in her bags- but I am the only one who thinks of these things.  And please believe me when I say that I don't begrudge K getting all she can get while she is here since the remaining parts of the year "the favorites" get showered in gifts that my kids and the ATL kids can only dream of. 

But I thought this year would be different and it really felt different for a while.  Especially, after the crazy Facebook fight that got started by Aunt K- targeting 14-yr-old K and 21-yr-old H, because I defended her and was outraged and expressed that outrage and it seemed like she got it- that what was said was not OK and that I was on her team.  That lasted about a week.  After Aunt K apologized and they all went out for mani/pedis I was out again.  Let me clear one thing up....I'm not saying that she should hate her Aunt K forever or for that matter even be mad about it and not talk to her.... I'm just saying remember who defended you. 

I think having kids without having kids is harder than actually having kids.  I am responsible for them just as much as if they'd been pushed out but without the benefit of that automatic and kind of- "you're stuck with me" attachment.  If I had pushed them out perhaps I'd view things differently.  Like a sweet dusting of rainbow colored sugar on them and every bad thing they did and said.  Not that they do a lot of bad things but on the off occasion that they do- I'm the mean parent and hubby is the nice guy. Always.

I try to be the relaxed parent/step-parent/aunt. Because I know what it was like growing up with my father being the rigid ass that he was.  So, when my beautiful niece H told me she had had sex for the first time I was calm. On the outside.  I held a calm, logical, and great conversation with her.  On the inside, I rambled insanely to myself and began shouting STD statistics and pregnancy facts. 

I try and let the kids be as open as they need to be and let them make small and large choices.  An interesting example of this that made me realize how juxtaposed my demeanor as a step-parent and my emotion as a step-parent are happened a little while back.  It was right before T graduated and I had the "best" idea for a small graduation present. A St. Christopher medallion.  I am not Catholic and none of the Mills clan is but I read about the story of St. Christopher and loved the idea of him protecting the kids on their transition from HS to college (how I romanticize things).  I had given a necklace to H for her graduation present and she loved it.  So, in my mind I decided I was going to create this tradition, girls get a St. Christopher necklace, guys get a medallion as part of their HS graduation.  How wonderful it would be and perhaps they would carry it on and it would all just be so great.  But the logical part of me knew that T had made some comments in the past about religion and I, being the relaxed one, the logical one, decided to email him my case and surely he would see my side and LOVE the idea.  Well, I got a response that said that while the sentiment was "nice" the thought of a St. Christopher medallion was a little to "god-y" for him since he thought all religion was "bullshit" anyway.  He thanked me for asking his opinion though.  I was more hurt by this than I thought I would be.

I'm not even sure what the point of all this is. Perhaps that it is hard being a step-parent, that you shouldn't look for loyalty in a 14 yr-old girl, that you shouldn't ask for opinions if you don't want to hear what is said, and that it sucks feeling like the kill-joy all the time.

The last week K was here, T flew in.  He was here for roughly 2.5 days and the hubby and I argued all the last day.  I had had enough of K's new attitude and between that and a string budget, two boxes of overflowing items to be shipped to TX that were ALL K's and would not fit in her bags, and the fact that their flight left at 6:10 am was all just too much for my patience and when hubby got an attitude I melted down.  Which then caused him to do the same because instead of my usual patient, loving smile and understanding attitude he got "I-don't-give-a-fuck" Sally.  When K started crying because she realized that her mother hadn't booked her seat next to T, I had to go into survival mode and just shut down.

Hubby packed her bags, washed her clothes, readied her for the return home, checked them in online- everything that I would normally do.  This pissed him off even more because as I was told it was like "I was trying to teach someone a lesson" and being a "hardass".  I just listened to him whine and complain and bit my tongue.  Because even though I know he was wrong and being an ass I knew he was out of his element, sad since they were leaving, and just as stressed out as I was.  (I am an amazing wife, I know, applause for me.)

Thank God there were not problems getting them on the plane, they took off on time, and landed safely.  I didn't even bother thinking about the box that needed to be shipped back- I removed myself from that situation and made him handle it. (And wouldn't you know that the ONE time he handles it instead of me, Aunt K decides she will ship it from work- thus making it free. Fuckers.  I hate them all, every one.)

Now that the kids are gone we're back in our temporary residence at Sue's Smokehouse.  We've settled into a new routine and there is peace in the valley once again.  I'm not the hardass now and I make his world spin every day with a delightful smile.  I'm still taking him to and from work but that will stop once school starts - I'm counting the days quietly.

Perhaps this marriage and step-kids thing is teaching me patience after all.